Saturday, March 8, 2008
Cloudy Sat

Last Thur (05.03.08), went for my follow up checkup at TTSH.. When I went in to the Doc's rm.. e Doc say, my blood count (white & red cells) starts to drop again.. he ask "sigh, y like tat"..Then I told him.. "I more sian ah, I really very tired and no more morale to fight anymore".. So he decided to keep my steroids but reduce on my another med.. He say wanna monitor me to see if is one of the med's long term side effect or is it the symptoms of flaring up again. So I have to see him in another mths' time.. sigh... In the room.. we talk a lot but all funni things in my life experience.. I told him my co has got an annual checkup, my blood pressure & sugar are good 80/120 & 5.5 respectively but under my BMI, I am under "OBESE" category. The doc laughed and say I am not obese, it is due to the side effects of my med, thats why.. Then I told him another story. I have a discounted Cold Storage Card. It has a photo of mine.. The cashier looked at the photo and look at me, she ask" this is u ah".. the Doc laughed till e whole face turn red and of cos we have talked many jokes.. but this life experience to me is sad.. My Doc say I am a good joker and ought to write a blog.. So I told him " I do have a blog, u want my add?" He was standing up talking to me and eventually fall back onto his chair laughing.. he couldn't help it.. and somemore wif tears.. zzz -.-"...

Frankly speaking, everytime I looked at my old photos, I really felt sad why do I have to become like that.. And this is nt the end as my blood count drop again.. Is there really no other alternatives to make myself recover? I always try to make myself happy, joke around but when nite time comes and when is quiet, I start to think wild.. and now, at home, something crops up.. and I really do feel stress & tired. My ah lao must change job & with his frequent travelling, I got to get use to staying alone at home. This round is not as if like 1 wk, it could drag up as long as 2, 3 or 4 wks.. depending on how difficult is his job.. T_T

When will I recover my health, my look, my size, my weight.............. I doubt so... T_T.........