Thursday, April 3, 2008
Rainy Thursday

Today, I went TTSH for my follow up checkup.. After my checkup, outside was raining cats & dogs.. Heaven pity me too? ha.. too exaggerating.. Well, as expected, the test result was not good, infact a little worse especially my urine test.. Everything maintained, blood count as usual is low.. but protein leakage in my urine was 2+ compare to last few mths was 1+.. Took a big bottle home to collect a 24hr urine so that the Doc would wanna test to see what is it about..

Doc suggest a kidney biopsy which I am not infavourable of, it has to be hospitalised and MC for a few days without much bending and carrying heavy stuffs.. but that is up to my decision whether I would like to do it or not..

Doc gave me another 2 options, to change the medicine which is really expensive. The most minimum dose would cost at least $8/day and if I see him once a mth which is x 30days.. haha.. that is excluding other medicines, lab test & consultation fees which can cost up to S$400/mth.. Such exp medicine would expect to be of lesser side effects but is NOT.. It can cause liver problem/low white cell count and more potassium in my body.. A person with too much potassium in the body w/o the help of kidney to expel will cause heart failure.. Scary??? Like I say, is the most minimum dose, e dosage depend on how serious one is to decide. The 2nd option is to get injection, once a mth but the side effect is .... it will affect my fertility! Which this dosage needs about 6mths but I can't imagine I would not be able to give birth?

Sad to hear this kind of advice.. Even with the biopsy is only to allow the doc to have more specific reason to select which option. As my urine result is not clear, it has red/white cells/bacteria, etc.. therefore, Doc is uncertain what is the urine about.. Really don't know what to say about all these.. and moreover the $$ spend on medical fees are really "chi bu xiao" since last July till now, I guess i spend at least a $2k on all these including gynae.. I wanna go see gynae about the infections/bacterias, but that will cost another S$200++ . I really hard up for money, really wonder if I am too stress out with my work/money, thats why the relapse came back.. I knew it as I see my hair drop like nobody's business, my ear shut on/off, lethargic..

Arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


My grandma oso has been in and out of the hospital, but I really have no extra energy to bother another prob.. no more capacity........ she has always been dote on me but I can't do anything more to help as I need strength too, maybe I sound drama but is true....


All those out there reading my blog will never be able to feel/taste/experience it.. Cos you are not sick, even with the comfort words that you say you understand but you will never feel it.. NEVER, unless you are a victim yourself..


Sometime I really ask myself why am I e one, WHY? why others can wear nicely shopping, go out with nice figure, no suffering but why am I the one.. WHY??????

I felt like crying but don't know why the tears just stop at my eyes and I swallow back again..

When will I recover? WheN??? T_T